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Photo Courtesy of Reinante El Pintor de Fuego (flickr)
Lately, I have been experiencing extreme waves of doubt with every action I take. I doubt the city I live in, the job I have, my so-called passion for running marathons, even my desire to write the book I’ve been working on for over a year. I had a birthday recently and it seemed like just another day. However, the day after I went to work angry. I mean really, really angry. I had no reason to feel that way. There was no catalyst, no circumstance, no tragedy, mishap, or situation that could have sparked such animosity towards the world. But, I felt angry anyway. Does a person need a reason to feel angry? Do I need a good reason to doubt everything I do? No. But it helps. I want a reason. I want to know why I feel the way I do. I hate when I experience an emotion, a pain, or have any circumstance occur where I can’t nail down the cause immediately. It’s like when you have a vague headache and you can’t describe with any detail to your doctor what hurts or where. You know your head doesn’t feel normal and it’s driving you crazy, but you can’t seem to put your finger on it. That’s exactly what this doubt thing is doing to me. I have no real reason to feel the way I do, but it’s destroying my ability to function.
So, what options do I have? Is there a magic doubt pill I can take? Will my doctor prescribe me some adrenaline pumping Adoral if I just keep asking for it? Will it do me any good? I am in search of any answer about what direct action I can take to solve this doubt riddle. I want my life to have meaning and I want to have the ability and desire to solve every problem that comes my way. This vague problem, however, is not a dilemma to be solved with a one-two punch. I have to dig deep. I have to look for an answer in places I don’t normally look because this is a problem I don’t normally experience. I am a confident guy. I know what I want, when I want it, and I can bring those thoughts to life at the drop of a hat. Doubt is a problem, a common one, and it can be solved by going back to the basics.
Principles
I live my life by principles. I do the right thing when I know what it is. I choose the obvious and simple answers to problems because the less-obvious and complex answers are usually wrong anyway. Nearly every problem in the world can be solved with a very simple principle to keep you focused on what really matters. In my doubtful situation, I feel that the real problem is a lack of direction. I don’t know where I’m headed, so I can’t possibly make sense of what I’m doing in the current moment because it has no significant meaning. If I know where I’m headed, I can make a plan of how to get there, and simply follow the plan. Along the route I may experience doubt, but it’s probably unfounded. I will reach my end destination having been guided by the never-changing principles that made sense in the beginning, regardless of the situation or difficulty the arose later.
Baby Steps
The best way to get started on the path to where I’m going is to put one foot in front of the other. This is the mantra I use when running long distances. The bottom line when running is that you will cross the finish line if you simply put one foot in front of the other enough times. Eventually, you will get there. Just don’t stop until you do. Doubt is an excuse to stop. Doubt is the devil on your shoulder screaming in your ear to distract you from your goal. I had a goal a year ago to write a book, any book. It didn’t even have to be a good book. The only requirement I set was that another human being could look at the finished product and declare that it was a book and I was its author. Nothing more. Somehow in the last 12 months I have construed that goal into a messy, all-encompassing, and ridiculous challenge where the bar has been raised to a nearly insurmountable height. I can still make it, but writing a NY Times best-seller still seems a little lofty. Maybe that’s where the doubt is coming from. Maybe that’s the secret sauce of the whole shebang. Maybe, I need to lower the bar. Maybe, I need to take baby steps. Maybe, I need to look at what I’ve accomplished and be impressed with the fact that I’ve put together something that someone could actually consider a finished product. It’s not A quality work, but it would pass for something credible.
Drink Wine
I find that much of the doubt I experience can be erased with just the right amount of vino. One glass of wine doesn’t do the trick, it just makes me tired. Two glasses of wine makes me write like a rockstar. Three glasses of wine and . . . this blog post wouldn’t be comprehendible. For your sake and mine, I’ve kept it to two large glasses. Drinking wine is a an interesting solution to the doubt problem because it is a softening mechanism. It relaxes the mind and soothes the body. It makes the harsh edges of the day seem less ridged. It allows the neurons to fire that have been held back by negative thoughts and unfounded accusations. I’m not encouraging you to drink. I’m encouraging you to stop trying to solve new problems with old solutions. If what you’ve tried in the past continues to provide old and useless solutions, try something else. Do the opposite of what you have done before. Confuse your brain into thinking you’ve solved the problem already. Record yourself on a microphone reading a famous inspirational speech by someone famous and then listen to your recording. It’s completely unrelated to the original problem and that’s the point. Don’t distract yourself with something meaningless. Intentionally do something different and positive, then come back to the original doubt with a new badass perspective on the situation.
Action Steps
- Drink more wine (cabernets if you can handle it)
- Make a list of the Top 10 things you are doubting
- Ask someone else to read the list to make sure you are not crazy
- Come back to the list in 24 hours and see if it’s still pissing you off
- Push through and complete what you are doubting even if it kills you, unless you have determined there is significant merit to your original doubts
If none of this works. Sorry, I’m out of answers and I’ve just poured my third glass.
Don’t forget to check out my new revolutionary eBook for conquering life after college!
The Clueless Graduate,
Jeff Sanders
Follow @cluelessgrad
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